IN RELATED NEWS, the National Weather Service has announced a Thermometer Buyback Program. It seems that the older your thermometer the more likely that it is failing to rise to the proper temperatures. The old glass thermometers have the problem of liquid glass evident in cathedral stained glass windows, which has been shown scientifically to cause lower temperature readings. Also, the glass is attached to a metal or plastic frame in a haphazard manner which allows gravity to pull the glass down in relationship to the numbers on the frame. The thermometers of the bi-metal variety are subject to the insidious effects of metal fatigue which again causes lower readings.
These scientifically documented effects in household thermometers, are solely responsible for the anecdotal cooling being reported by individuals across the country and yes the entire earth. This anecdotal cooling, in turn, has created a wholly inappropriate rise in the number of people who question Global Warming. These old thermometers can be taken to your local Weather Office where they will be purchased from you for Five Dollars ($5.00) each. You will also be given one of the new Government-approved thermometers which will agree much more closely with the government approved weather reports. This new Thermometer Buyback Bailout Program will once again put our country in the forefront of Science.
Okay, tis a folly all in fun, or as we call it here, an inconvenient hoax. But what can you expect of us in this heat? The preceding spoof was posted on a meteorological blog by a clever commenter named Mike Bryant. Sorry, no permalink available.